It was ever so kind of you to drop by this morning. Just imagine my surprise to find you sitting on my porch, glaring at me as though I were a trespasser when I went to empty the compost! Squatting there with your horrible beady eyes, panting like a greedy dog, and oozing liquid, I suppose you were just resting; how silly of me to think you were slowly dying in my presence. If your behavior were not enough, the fact that you appeared to have been mauled by an unfortunately unsuccessful cat added to your incredibly disturbing nature. I do apologize for screaming and forcing my mother to come take care of you, but did you really need to take a dump before you flew away? Furthermore, your return visit to the lawn was not appreciated. As you can clearly see, we are trying to sell our house, and the presence of angry hobo robins does not increase our chances of doing such.
It's not that I dislike your species; on the contrary I find your brethren lovely. You, however, are the avian equivalent to a lecherous old man far past his due date in an asylum somewhere. I hope the neighbor's cats finished you off, because should I ever lay eyes on you again, I may be forced to bring the cats in myself.
With all due respect, get out of my life.
Sincerely,
Lars
I laughed soooo hard.
ReplyDeleteSorry he was grodey though. :\
Pretty sure the neighbor's cats...took care of business, as it were. Glad you liked the post!!
ReplyDelete