Learning

So, remember that time I was a dork, but it turned out to be ok? Well, I went back to that coffee shop for the 3rd and final time tonight, and I was not a dork. I actually was awesome. Really awesome, as the open-mike coordinator lady said. I am kind of glowing with pride. See, said open-mike lady read some poetry from this woman, Sarah Kay, last time I was there, and I thought, "She's amazing! Imma google her!" Then I didn't. So, about three days later, I was watching TED talks (ummm...the cool kids were doing it? ...eh...fine. I have no excuse. I am a nerd. Ok!!! I'm a nerd! I said it! Happy now?!?!?!?!), and I just so happened to click upon this thing of beauty. I didn't think of three things I knew, largely because I am lazy and defiant, but also because I was fascinated by her. Her talk made me think, and that led inevitably to poetry, and so tonight, (er, technically last night...) I performed it, and people actually responded positively, during and after. Proud moment.

Learning

They keep telling me, "You learn something new everyday,"

Although they never specify what,

Which probably means they're not talking about

the things you try to learn,

the things that take concentration,

and instead they're talking about the much hazier

Learning of Experience.

But if that's true, I don't think we learn

one thing a day.

I think we are constantly learning small pieces of a bigger puzzle,

bit by bit,

like gathering sea glass to make a mosaic:

we might not be able to see the final outcome in our minds,

but somehow we know where each piece fits into the others,

working our way towards something complete.

For instance, I've been learning,

that sometimes the facts are harder to say than the fictions,

facts like:

I don't need pointe shoes to be happy;

I never really loved you; and

I'm moving 2,153 miles away so the my father can dress up like a panda bear and teach children about Jesus;

instead of the fictions:

I didn't make it, but of course I want to try again;

It was fun while it lasted; and

It doesn't matter, I was leaving anyway.

I'm learning that we can have our rites of passage,

mark off the days on our calenders with big, red Xs,

but real maturity is not so cut and dried.

I'm learning that life is a little messy, always,

and not just when we're little (and messy).

I'm learning a lot.

All of these lessons point to something bigger

and still partially obscured,

but that, too, is becoming clear,

the iceberg of my naivete is slowly melting.

So far, I've figured out

I am just like my dad,

(minus the black & white fur and the desire to interact with children on a spiritual level).

We know that it doesn't matter how long you believed in something,

if it's not true anymore, it's not worth the heartache it takes to keep believing.

We know that it's never to late to make a drastic change for the better.

We know that in any relationship,

being happy is more important than being "right."

We love grocery stores,

so full of possibilities and options for exploration,

but always familiar enough to feel safe.

I don't know if these are the things I'm supposed to be learning,

if these are the pieces of glass I should be picking up and putting down,

but I know, without a flicker of a doubt,

my mosaic is beautiful.