Yogurt is exceedingly difficult to buy. There are so many choices, and so many ways you can end up with something disgusting instead of something wonderful. This issue is compounded with a universal inability for yogurt manufacturers to properly label their yogurt.
I have a problem with the hunks of fruit so commonly found floating in innocent yogurt. It’s not even really fruit by the time it makes it into the little plastic cup. Instead, it’s the hollow, tasteless pulp of what used to be a delicious strawberry. There is no flavor to those leathery excuses for food- it’s all been squeezed out into the yogurt already. Nobody wants it anymore. It’s gross. If I wanted pieces of fruit in my yogurt, I would put them there myself, using fresh fruit, pure fruit, unadulterated by a food processor.
Usually avoiding these nasty fruit chunks is easy, like when the yogurt people put the words “Fruit on the bottom!” on the outside, as though it’s something to be proud of. There are also those horrible, sneaky, good-for-nothing yogurt manufacturers who write NOTHING on the outside which indicates the level of nasty, leaving the poor consumer in the dark about whether or not their pina colada is chunky and full of hairy coconut bits. But they are not the worst offenders. Oh no. The worst are those yogurts which claim to be “whipped” or “smooth” which seem to imply that they are, well, not lumpy, but when you open the yogurt, there sit those poor, lifeless fruit droppings you’ve come to detest.
I’m telling you, yogurt buying is a dangerous mission. You best watch your back, and know your brands.
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