26.5.11

"Redemption"?

While packing, I found a host of bizarre things in my bedroom, including but not limited to: a rape whistle, a clarinet, an unimaginable amount of shiny ribbon, lots of hats, and enough knit gloves to last a lifetime.
I also found a poem entitle "Redemption"? and immediately took a trip down memory lane. Here's an unresolved issue if ever there was one! Maybe three or four years back, my church was celebrating the 50th anniversary of the completion of the building's construction, and so we had a special service where everyone donned 1950s garb and we had a party. It was rather marvelous! My friend and I, being a lot younger than 50, decided to go thrifting for appropriate dresses downtown. We found this store called "Redemption Roses" and decided to give it a try. Most of the stuff was horrible-cut up and covered in screen prints of zombie children and bleeding animals. There was, however, a rack in the back that caught my eye: a row of untouched dresses. In the middle was a bright yellow dress with a full circle skirt, and a cute little collar. It was perfect and it fit perfectly. It also did not have a price tag from the store we were in; it had a $3 tag from D.I., a local thrift store. I was terribly excited until the store manager insisted that I give her $25 for it, $75 if she were to screen print and cut it. I was furious, and left the store in a huff to write this poem.


As soon as I
close my eyes
I know I'll see:
She's wearing my dress!
the perfect yellow dress,
clutching her scissors,
spilling her ink,
twirling the skirt-
and laughing,
flimsy wisps of
bleached-blonde hair
sticking to her face
along with her
triumphant grin
as she surveys
her perfect destruction
of the perfect yellow dress.

23.5.11

Unexpected Loveliness

Sometimes, you have days that are just, well, lovely. Today, I am taking a leaf out of my best friend's book, and posting a list of the things that made today absolutely fantastic!

  • I got to draw dancing bears and lions on my final IB exam. This will not harm my score, but help it.
  • I finished said exam about 40 minutes early, and thus was able to go to Dairy Queen with two of my closest friends to eat peanut butter chocolate treats and talk about boys, college, and our relative ages (one of my friends is my five year old twin, and the other is our 35 year old mother, if you were wondering).
  • We had a sub in psychology, allowing me to practice microflow, a component of positive psychology.
  • Today was the last time I ever have to dedicate more than an hour of my time to rehearsing the African Jazz number for recital. No more yelling, no more wounded gazelles, no more getting blamed for the mistakes of others. None!
  • This video. And Edward Monkton in general.
  • To top it all off, my aunt gave me a year's membership to the Metropolitan Museum of Fine Art. That's right. I can go whenever I want to for no monies, instead of twenty monies. Happy. Happy happy happy!!!


22.5.11

Periphery

We are peripheral,
And our eyes do not meet.

I feel you
Sinking into my spaces
Filling those gaps,
Plugging ancient holes
With nonchalance,
Detached.

Our fingers intertwined,
Their form and texture
Is as familiar as the
Slow churn of disappointment
Dripping from head to stomach.

We are connected,
But we are not one.
We are tangled,
But we are not touching.

We are peripheral,
And our eyes cannot meet.

17.5.11

To My Dear Friend

Dearest Balthazaar,

For the past 7 years we have been close, weathering the ups and the downs, facing the unknown together. You've been loyal and loving, but unfortunately, unless your behavior changes drastically, I may no longer be able to call you my best friend. I know that your psyche is delicate and easily damaged by stressful events, but you have truly gone off the deep end, and it is time you had a little help in reigning yourself back in.

First of all, although I love you, this does not mean that I want your company while I pee. That is not an appropriate time for cuddling. Licking magazines is also not a suitable past time for the bathroom. Nor are leaping from behind the shower curtain towards my face, or turning the door knob repeatedly. Please don't take it personally when I lock you out; plaintive cries will not increase your chances of being allowed in the bathroom.

I know that you crave my company in the morning, but the first thing I want to hear in the morning is not the thump of your body running into my door frame, or the sounds of your claws frantically scratching at the hinges. This is both ineffective and weird. Eventually I will indeed emerge from my bedroom to feed you and give you some attention, I promise. Just be patient.

It seems to wound you deeply when my father and I lock you out of our rooms while we are trying to get work done, but to be frank my dear, you are annoying. Sitting on my head, rubbing your teeth on my legs, and knocking over everything that you can reach are not activities that promote good work and study habits, or increase my regard for you. Dad feels the same way.

You've made it clear that life as a house cat is difficult, but surely you can find more productive activities? The boxes around the house and the strange people removing our furniture do not signify your abandonment. Oh no. You're coming with us. So just sniff your cat-cheek pheromone spray, chill out, and prepare for the move.

All my love,

Lars

14.5.11

Your Smile is Like Springtime

The corners
resemble tiny caves,
warm and perhaps cozy,
certainly full
of some dormant creature,
poised to emerge.

The center
is like a promise
about to be fulfilled,
a flower
about to bloom.

The break is a crash of waves,
sending the sands of my serenity
into frenetic dancing.
The crests send fire
through the stars.

Springtime
is my favorite season.

10.5.11

Fishing

This keeps coming back to me. I choreographed it back in December, it's been performed twice now, and the final performance is on Thursday. Perhaps, after this finale, it will be resolved...

2.5.11

Anemia, The Crying Baby

This past fall was a rough time for me. I’m not going to go into details, but I was having a lot of problems in my family and personal life. There was, however, an event I was looking forward to: donating blood. I had been trying for several months to gain enough weight to be able to donate. My friends were plotting to force-feed me cheeseburgers until I outweighed them. I did not have to resort to that, but I really wanted to be able to donate when the blood people came to my school in October, so it was definitely a conscious effort. I figured I was healthy and therefore ought to do what I could to help those who were less healthy. I was wrong.

I’m not a fan of needles, so I wasn’t surprised when I started to feel faint even before they stuck me. The last thing I heard as I lost consciousness was “Oh, she’s a spurter!” I came to quickly only to fill a unit in 4 minutes, which is about 3 minutes too fast. I fainted again when they pulled the needle out, but as I sat on the floor in the corner munching cookies and slurping juice, I figured it was just the needles. For the second time, I was wrong.

For the next three weeks, I had horrible, skull-splitting headaches, every day, without fail. Due to various issues, as previously mentioned, my planned doctor visits were pushed back until fate decided I really needed to see someone. During church the Sunday of the fourth week of headaches, a woman fainted in the middle of the service. Unfortunately, I am a sympathy fainter. Luckily there are a number of doctors and nurses at my church, so while the woman who fainted initially had to be taken out on a stretcher by the ambulance drivers, much to her protest, I was simply given water and made to sit down for the rest of the day. The next morning I found myself in the doctor’s office, being diagnosed with anemia and being scolded for donating my blood when I couldn’t produce enough blood cells for myself, let alone donate any. I’d lost almost 10 pounds, which was more than I had gained in the first place.

I have an iron deficiency-caused anemia. My doctor said the solution was to eat a lot of protein to balance out the gratuitous amount of exercise I naturally encounter on a daily basis. This works, to a point. I gained the weight back, my cheeks no longer look like paper, and the headaches stopped, but every month is two steps forward, one step back. If you know what I mean…

How is this a food issue? Well, it drastically changed my diet. I had been eating what I thought was a balanced and healthy diet, fruits, vegetables, grains, light meats like poultry, occasional red meat, lots of beans and rice, and of course, obscene amounts of junk food. I now eat beef jerky, protein bars, nuts, and eggs in addition to many of those other foods; the ratios just shifted. Here’s the catch: if I stop eating these foods, my anemia rears its ugly head, and punches the inside of my brain. So when I had to have FES surgery and lost a lot of blood, slept for four days without eating much more than yogurt and a burrito, I got the headaches again.

What have I learned from this? The medical people are like vampires: they suck your blood and leave you anemic. Anemia is like a screaming baby in your head, only the screams are silent, and the only thing that shuts that baby up is a nice, juicy hamburger. Looks like my friends were right all along.